Sometimes in life we get caught up in a moment. An idea, that something was supposed to turn out or look a certain way. Things don't always work out according to plan, WHY?! You may scream internally, but the reasoning can be much more deeper than you realize in the oh shit moment when things go down south. A few days ago I realized that I had one last bit of unpacking to do... not in the literal sense. It was in the mental sense, believe it or not even though you may not realize it, at times you loads that need to be unpacked from the past or even from the underlying, unconscious thoughts you carry with you from day to day.
The moment when this hit me was a day after a planned trip I had fell through, I can say with certainty I wasn't prepared for that moment, my mind froze and suddenly i found myself in a feeling something I truly didn't miss and that is... Uncertainty and discomfort. In the past when dealing with depression, being caught off guard by something like this or anything that emotionally can hurt even if just a bit, would make me retreat to a mental space where I could not help myself nor could anyone else. Although it's been a good 2 years since I've even been close to feeling that way. For some reason I retreated to that place again. The reason was, I let self doubt creep in for two hours and it ended up staying with me for three days. Would the trip have fallen through regardless because of one significant reason, YES! But in my mind i blamed myself and felt dumb that I didn't think deeply enough to realize that was going to happen, BEFORE it happened. But you see I'm not a fortune teller and clearly couldn't have known. SO I had to stop overthinking and accept it. I did't see that soon enough though.
I wasn't depressed, but I was definitely feeling discouraged and as well as uncomfortable. In that oh shit moment when I realized that my plans had fallen through I didn't think how me entering that head space would affect the people that care about me. Until I had two conversations, with two of the people I care most about in both of those conversations I didn't speak, but rather listened. Listening in those moments was important to me personally, I chose to do so not only out of respect for both of these people, but also because I realized that I needed to hear what was going to be said, and accept it.. because it was true. What i got out of both of the conversations was... Rushed decisions never work in anyone's favor. The reasoning is that not only will you be hurt in the process but so will people around you. It's important to remember that everything won't always turned out as planned, but that doesn't mean you have to shut down. Situations like that are a chance to grow, overcome, and even make it into something positive believe it or not.
These and many things are things I find at the end of a coffee mug.